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these are "sad songs," but they're not always sad. i just like to listen to them when i'm feeling angsty, which is often!

cough syrup - young the giant

this may, unironically, be my favorite song of all time. it's so personal to me that i actually don't want to get into it for fear i will begin to find it cringe, but it deserves a spot on this page, front and center. i fucking love this god damn song.

space oddity (2015 remaster specifically) - david bowie

I KNOW DAVID BOWIE SUCKED. anyway, this song was one of my favorites in high school. i hated high school soccer--honestly to the point that i can't remember much of it beyond a slight dread--so i would listen to this song before warm-ups and fantasize about ejecting myself into space. that always sounded nice to me. it was a surprise when i read that most people read him as having a psychotic episode- i'd always thought he was disconnecting from earth because that was the rational thing to do.

mr. tillman - father john misty

i love the storytelling in this song. i love that it opens with what sounds like an average hotel check-in that gets more and more bizarre. it opens with a simple alleged passport mistake, a mistaken picture, then segues into the fact that he sleeps with his on his balcony for some reason and also hangs with some people who would not normally be inside a fancy hotel: "what a beautiful tattoo that young man had on his face." additionally, it's implied he drinks too much, by asking if he needs a driver.

the chorus is when it truly transitions into the song's meaning: mr. tillman is having a fucking breakdown, brah. "i'm feelin' good / damn, i'm feelin' so fine / i'm livin' on a cloud / of an island in my mind." he also tells people not to be worried, which of course only people who you should be worried about tend to say, especially because he has to climb into his god damn hotel room to avoid seeing other people.

the second verse opens with mr. tillman fully experiencing a truman- show-type delusion. the staff attempts to placate him with alcohol, but also suggests company, implying that's what he does: he stays in this hotel and drinks, sliding into delusion. good song.

artificial heart - jonathon coulton

this song owes absolutely everything to its beat, which is glass being plinked inside of some kind of steampunk device, mimicking a heartbeat. joco really blew my hair back with that one. (fun fact: this song is part of the reason i dislike smoking monkey so much.)

one of my greatest fantasies has always been removing some physical organ of mine (not my brain, a good bloody one) that somehow hosts all of my emotions and keeping it in a jar on my desk so i can watch them from the outside, dispassionate and unaffected. i know this is a surprise from fleshprocessor. this song speaks to it in a way nothing else ever has. "now i can imagine how i feel." also dissociation win.

also, my partner sent me this song special, and it's now one of my favorite songs!

the air-conditioned nightmare - mr. bungle

i love a beachy song, especially a beachy song about the desire to pass away. honestly, not much more to say about this one! i love the sound, i love the drums, i love the weird washing machine noise that formulates its rhythm. win!

i'm not a good person - pat the bunny

i love this song because it's basically a walking red flag for me, especially the part where he says "i never write, i never call, i never think about / anyone at all." just like me! so true! i am terrible at remembering shit, especially when it comes to dates! fun fact: last year, i forgot to call my mom on her birthday.

my ex actually introduced me to this song! it's not that relevant, but it's always a nice time to reflect upon that relationship and how i hope my ex is happier now. sorry i was so distant bro. not that you will ever read this. unless you are! in which case, hey. my bad.

catabolic seed - the scary jokes

apparently this album is kind of a meme to make fun of, but whatever. as someone who struggles a lot with an addictive personality, this song is really, really good to me. to me, it reads like a love song to the substance the singer is addicted to. do they know it's bad for them? yes. do they use anyway? also yes. now, keep in mind, i am not addicted to anything heavy, really: i rely too much on alcohol in social situations and i take edibles twice or thrice weekly. (i am addicted to caffeine, as most adults are, but that's not the same reason- it's not what the song's talking about.)

my favorite line is "i don't care if i'm losing myself in the garden of earthly delights / i could drop dead right where i stand and i wouldn't mind." they are so true and honest for that. thog don't caare if thog lose thogself in garden of earthly delights. thog wants to feel something.

i also like the repetition of "i'm safe / i'm whole / i've got it under control." the illusion of control is a common theme in addiction, being part of the reason gambling and EDs are addictive. that's also a common mantra for addicts: i have it under control. i use, but not like the way other people do. i use, but it's alcohol. i use, but only socially.

also, it's fun. i love a song that uses loops. (i think i'm using that right?)

when did my hair get so long - worthikids

a song about wasting time away and drowning in regret... ah, yes, the 21 year old (at the time of writing)'s anthem. somehow, i do relate to it! i tend to dwell a lot on things that make me guilty, especially things that i missed or fucked up on because i was too spaced out or forgetful or whatever. also, the line "why'd i let you waste away" is very real for ED brain, except kind of the opposite of its literal meaning.

"plenty time until it's gone / it's alright until it's not" is the chorus, and easily my favorite part of the song. i love profound things said simply, and here is me restating it in a deeply necessary fashion: you think you have enough time, and then you don't. you think you're being a good person, friend, whatever, and then you're not. somehow it's always a surprise, but at the same time, it isn't. the song is looping. how many times have you listened to it? how many times are you going to do this? you know the answer, but you keep asking the question.

feeling sillay??? horny songs also go in this category because sex is hilarious, sorry.

it wasn't me - shaggy

a classic reggae-pop song! this song reminds me of (one of my many) older sister(s). not much else to say about it, honestly. i just like it. it's fun, it's silly, what more could you want?

easy breezy - chelmico

the themesong to "keep your hands off eizouken!" a really cute anime with one of my favorite styles, and also just a fun song! the fact that the opening is really fun does not hurt, either. one of those shows i never skipped the opening on.

according to the latest experts, a few emotions exist other than "goofy" and "mannequin." while i am skeptical of this theory, i am willing to give songs that allegedly touch these other emotions a chance.

am i weird - chip the black boy

ANOTHER CAVEAT: this was made by a black man with internalized racism about rap, and that's why the character chip is evil and raps.

i adore this song. the lyrics are so clever, impressive, and complex, but work on a rhythmic level completely. i love the weird-ass rhythm that cements the tones of the song. i love that he's weird as fuck. nothing wrong with being weird as fuck.

song title: over there

i am going to be upfront: i don't like this album. i like it musically, i like the way the lyrics sound, but i do not like the content of the lyrics, and i picked this song because it gave me the most douche chills (well, first of may was another contender, but that's because i'm sex-repulsed).

the thing is, this guy is so clearly inspired by they might be giants it drives me nuts. he's like tmbg came through a portal to an alternate universe where everything was the exact same except they were slightly less leftist, and also weirder about women. over there, the song i selected for the album preview, is an example of the less-leftist part. "over there, they'll make you regret that you ever / saved their asses in world war two." 1) not how world war two worked at all, 2) i can immediately clock that you are a neolib who thinks america is good.

he's pretty funny, which is why i do want to like this album. the opening track, i'm having a party, is a song wherein a 12 year-old's birthday party is treated as being an important event- which it is, when you're twelve. that kind of insight is what makes him a good lyricist. the second song, bozo's lament, seems mildly inspired by the great pagliacci joke; it's just a man named bozo talking about his 9-5 as a clown as though it were an office job. later in the album, first of may is pretty funny, too. it riffs on the idea of "spring flings" with its chorus: "outdoor fuckin' starts today."

the only really serious-adjacent song is christmas is interesting, which i liked enough that it gets its own paragraph. my family is absolutely insane for christmas, so a christmas song that talks about the struggle of getting into the alleged spirit kind of resonated with me. it's also very clever, using a lot of christmas stories within the lyrics. my favorite is probably, "he takes your watch and he gives you a hairbrush / your wife gets a wig on a chain." i also like the title, because the way i read the song, christmas is indicative of larger society, which is definitely how christmas movies and songs treat it. his inability to enjoy this holiday (which, incidentally, all of his problems relate to capitalism, HMMMM) is a microcosm of his inability to be happy or connect with others, period.

i was going to do a paragraph about me being a hater, but i can't point to anything solid. i just don't like romance songs written by straight men, honestly, so i am respectfully placing millionaire girlfriend on the ground and taking thirty paces away from it, so i can talk about my few, much-less-solid gripes: in first of may, the chorus has the line "oh child" and it sounds like "oh chile," the black english term. gross! it was 2003, though, and it may have been an accident. i also don't like over there, but i also kind of sound like my roommate who didn't read the jakarta method because it didn't condemn mao enough, and the joke is that it's xenophobic. again, it was 2003, and it wasn't racist- the joke is american exceptionalism, i think.

overall, this is a good album. i do not like it because johnathon coulton weirds me out, and because of the tmbg alternate-universe thing. it's so so weird. i've heard some of his future albums, though, and i know he grows into his own voice a little bit more. looking forward to that.

song title: long line of cars

i am going to be upfront: i am incredibly biased towards this album. it starts out strong with "opera singer," a self-referential song criticizing the way in which people (especially male artists) abuse their power. it's a theme throughout the first half album, using revenge porn ("meanwhile, rick james..."), gun violence ("shadow stabbing"), and misogyny ("short skirt/long jacket") as examples. the second half of the album does not wholly remove itself from this theme, but shifts its focus from the individual to societal ills such as american capitalist religion ("comfort eagle"), and misogyny once again ("pretty little ribbon"). the final song of the album, "world of two," is the most ambiguous. It reads easily as an individual third-wheeling a relationship, but it could also be related to the idea that only romantic partners can be close (which would tie into the socially-isolating themes of the latter half), or perhaps a neglected child lamenting their lack of emotional connection to their parents.

misogyny is a huge theme of this album, seeing as its about power. "short skirt/llong jacket" focuses on men's preferences, particularly the impossible ones. "i want a girl who will wake up early / i want a girl who will stay up late," as the most obvious example of these contradictions. in the latter half, "pretty pink ribbon" focuses more on the societal ails that women face, as well as toxic masculinity. it outlines several ways in which women stifle themselves for men ("without the pretty pink ribbon / you'd say just what you pleased" and "without the pretty pink ribbon / your muscles would bulge underground," referring to the fact that women cannot be strong without threatening masculinity).

the album is cut in half with an instrumental. the first half begins with "opera singer," a song about a privileged, violent man who lavishes in attention; it ends with "symphony in c," a song about a patron of the arts feeling as though through the money he pays, art he did not make becomes wholly his. i think this is supposed to show the various layers of personal abuses of power can come from- the opera singer takes advantage of the desperation for art, and the patron takes advantage of the power capital has over art.

gonna be so honest- i think the second half of the album is less thematically cohesive, but it also has some of my favorite songs. "comfort eagle" is a classic, and one of the most popular cake songs, but "long line of cars" is my favorite on the album (with comfort eagle coming at a close second). i am a perma-pedestrian, being terrified of cars and driving and spatial reasoning and responsibility and hitting children with a car, and i live in america, which is infamously car-centric. a song that's shit talking car-centric infrastructure, pointing to the pointlessness and endlessness of it?! ohhhhhh, BABY. this song was made in a lab for ME! anyway, thanks for reading. like and subscribe and listen to this album if you want. or not.